Sorry...

Hey everyone, sorry for the lapse in my posts. I just started a new term in college, so I haven't had time to update. I will try to be better about it next month. See you then.

Renaissance fairs and blogs...

Is this what I will be celebrated for in the future?

( Courtesy of xkcd.com )

Men are from somewhere, and Women are from somewhere else...

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a hotel towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

( Courtesy of fun-with-english.co.uk )

Some amusing questions to ponder...

Do witches use spell checkers?

Do penguins have knees?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

Do landowners own a piece of land all the way to the center of the earth?

Do libraries put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?

Do bald people who work in restaurants have to wear hairnets?

Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?

Do French people say, "Pardon my English?" when they swear?

( Courtesy of fun-with-english.co.uk )

Keyboards and how gross they can be...

This is why I never listen to anyone...

( Courtesy of xkcd.com )

Feelin' a little paranoid lately...

If, like me, you've been feeling a little paranoid about the Bush administration's phone-tapping scandal or anything else that they have done that has been the least bit questionable, it might be time to invest in an AFDB. What is an AFDB you ask? An AFDB is an Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie (AFDB). If you would like to know more about this low-cost solution to government spying, please click here to visit the home of the AFDB.

( Legalese: The writer of this blog in no way endorses the use of the AFDB and is therefore not in any way liable for any mind control that you may fall prey to. Actually, this whole post is just a joke. Please don't take me seriously at all. )

Executions and smoking...

What exactly are they going to do with those wires?

( Courtesy of engrish.com )










What does smoked room taste like?

( Courtesy of engrish.com )

Produce and personal lubricants...

Quoted from the alternate text for this comic: "Fun game: find a combination of two items that most freaks out the cashier. Winner: pregnancy test and single coat hanger."

Don't really wanna know what he's thinking about doing with those bananas...

( Courtesy of xkcd.com )

Let's go fly a kite...

Don't just sit there, get out and meet people...

( Courtesy of xkcd.com )

More lost in translation...

See the cord for a real shocker...

(Courtesy of engrish.com)











Yet the all-seeing never find this room...

(Courtesy of engrish.com)

Computer Haikus...

Here are some pretty amusing computer Haikus:

Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?

Server's poor response
not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.

Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.

This site has been moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
have to delete you.

Wind catches lily
scatt'ring petals to the wind.
Segmentation fault.

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software can't bridge.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

To have no errors
would be life without meaning.
No struggle, no joy.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

No keyboard present.
Hit F1 to continue.
Zen engineering?

Hal, open the file.
Hal, open the damn file, Hal,
open the, please Hal...

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
but we never will.

Having been erased,
the document you're seeking
must now be retyped.

The ten thousand things.
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.

Rather than a beep
or a rude error message,
these words: "File not found."

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Lost in translation...

These photos are just too easy to laugh at, but really, really funny! These signs come from China and Japan:




"This phone contains bad language, because your partner is feeling bad."

( Courtesy of engrish.com )










They want us to get drunk?!?!?!?

( Courtesy of engrish.com )

Snapple anyone?

Snapple? I don't get it! Oh, wait... I get it now! If you don't look up the periodic table of elements to find out what the symbol for Tin is, and then you might get it.

(Courtesy of xkcd.com)

Watch where you put your hyphens...

Watch out for where you hyphenate your words. You might get the wrong result.

(Courtesy of xkcd.com)

Scary Thoughts

This is cute and very, very clever. Enjoy!

(Courtesy of xkcd.com)

How to troubleshoot any situation...

Use this anytime
you run into a
bad situation...

Majora's Mask Humor

This is just too funny. Hope you like it.

What gender is a computer? Read on to find out...

Sorry to anyone who missed me in the brief 4 day hiatus that I have been on since I last updated...and also sorry that this is an update after 10pm. I'll try to be better about that. Moving on...here's one that should bring about at least a chuckle...

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ''computer'' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.