Sorry...

Sorry to everyone who reads this, but posting on this blog will be pretty sporadic until June, due to finals and things coming up. I will try to post as much as I can, but I can't make any promises.

What the hell is a hardcooked egg?!?!?...

Hello everyone! I'm sorry that I haven't been keeping up with my posts in 10+ days. I've been extremely busy and haven't had much time to spare. I will try to keep up regular posts going forward.

Anyway, check out this label I found on the back of a Starbucks Egg Salad Sandwich...what the hell is a hardcooked egg?!?!? I think they just call it this so they can "justify" the price of $5.25 on the front of the package. You do the math.

If you find anything like this, please email me! I am always looking for suggestions!

Time is a factor of...

Think fast he says...easy for him to say!

( Courtesy of xkcd.com )

Favorite bumper stickers ( part 2 )...

Part 2 of a nearly infinite part series...

6. "Horn broken, watch for finger!"

7. "If you can read this, flip me over!"

8. "If you can read this, you're following too close!"

9. "Nader for President!" ( Okay, this one isn't necessarily funny in a direct kind of way, rather it's funny because he ran for president so many times. )

10. "Get in, sit down, shut up and hang on!"

Mazes...

Ahhh...a logic trap! All logicians beware! You will be stopped, searched and stabbed!

( Courtesy of xkcd.com )

Math t-shirt...

I want to see this on a t-shirt! I think it would be extremely funny!

Some questions to ponder...

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of Progress?

Why do they call it Military Intelligence?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

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P.S. Okay, I realize that yesterday's joke wasn't really at all that funny, I was just short on ideas, so I thought I might use a very old joke. Sorry if I disappointed you.

How to keep an fool busy ( see post )...

How to keep a fool busy ( see post )...

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HA HA! If you got this far, I may have already fooled you! Or maybe I haven't, in which case this was a stupid joke, but I got you to read this right?

Favorite bumper stickers ( part 1 )...

This is part 1 of an almost infinite-part series of my favorite bumper stickers that I have seen in the past, or saw today. Note that the numbers do not signify a rank of the bumper stickers, rather just to keep track of how many I've written down.

1. "Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."

2. "Shit happens."

3. "Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert for President!"

4. "I used up all my sick days so I called in dead."

5. "Got beer?"

Recursion and D&D...

Recursion and D&D don't mix...TRUST ME!

( Courtesy of xkcd.com )

Google announces free in-home wireless broadband service...

"Dark porcelain" project offers self-installed plumbing-based Internet access

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif., April 1, 2007 - Google Inc. (NASDAQ: GOOG) today announced the launch of Google TiSP (BETA)™, a free in-home wireless broadband service that delivers online connectivity via users' plumbing systems. The Toilet Internet Service Provider (TiSP) project is a self-installed, ad-supported online service that will be offered entirely free to any consumer with a WiFi-capable PC and a toilet connected to a local municipal sewage system.

"We've got that whole organizing-the-world's-information thing more or less under control," said Google Co-founder and President Larry Page, a longtime supporter of so-called "dark porcelain" research and development. "What's interesting, though, is how many different modalities there are for actually getting that information to you - not to mention from you."

For years, data carriers have confronted the "last hundred yards" problem for delivering data from local networks into individual homes. Now Google has successfully devised a "last hundred smelly yards" solution that takes advantage of preexisting plumbing and sewage systems and their related hydraulic data-transmission capabilities. "There's actually a thriving little underground community that's been studying this exact solution for a long time," says Page. "And today our Toilet ISP team is pleased to be leading the way through the sewers, up out of your toilet and - splat - right onto your PC."

Users who sign up online for the TiSP system will receive a full home self-installation kit, which includes a spindle of fiber-optic cable, a TiSP wireless router, installation CD and setup guide. Home installation is a simple matter of GFlushing™ the fiber-optic cable down to the nearest TiSP Access Node, then plugging the other end into the network port of your Google-provided TiSP wireless router. Within sixty minutes, the Access Node's crack team of Plumbing Hardware Dispatchers (PHDs) should have your internet connection up and running.

"I couldn't be more excited about, and am only slightly grossed out by, this remarkable new product," said Marissa Mayer, Google's Vice President of Search Products and User Experience. "I firmly believe TiSP will be a breakthrough product, particularly for those users who, like Larry himself, do much of their best thinking in the bathroom."

Interested consumers, contractually obligated partners and deeply skeptical and quietly competitive backbiters can learn more about TiSP at http://www.google.com/tisp/install.html.

About Google Inc.
Google's innovative search technologies connect millions of people around the world with information every day. Founded in 1998 by Stanford Ph.D. wannabes Larry Page and Sergey Brin, Google today is a top web property in all major global markets. Google's targeted advertising program provides businesses of all sizes with measurable results, while enhancing the overall web experience for users. Google is headquartered in Silicon Valley with offices throughout the Americas, Europe and Asia. For more information, visit www.google.com.

###

Media Contact:
Sunny Gettinger
Google Inc.
sunnyg@google.com
650-253-4713

APRIL FOOLS!!!!!

Allright, I know it's a little late, but I just heard about this today and thought it was absolutly hilarious!!!

( Courtesy of google.com )

Examples of vague signs...

Sign in a laundromat:
Automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

In a dress shop window:
Don't stand outside and faint - come in and have a fit.

Sign in a London department store:
Bargain basement upstairs.

On a church door:
This is the gate of Heaven. Enter Ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side door.)

Outside a secondhand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

In a restaurant:
Customers who find our waiting staff rude should see the manager.

Seen outside a travel agency:
Why don't you go away?

Spotted in a garden center:
Up these steps for the sunken garden.

Notice in the window of a fabric shop:
Repairs and alterations done here. Dying arranged.

Sign outside pet shop:
No dogs allowed.

Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.

The difference between normal people and scientists...

How could you choose avoiding a little pain over understanding a magic lightning machine?

( Courtesy of xkcd.com )

Sorry...

Hey everyone, sorry for the lapse in my posts. I just started a new term in college, so I haven't had time to update. I will try to be better about it next month. See you then.

Renaissance fairs and blogs...

Is this what I will be celebrated for in the future?

( Courtesy of xkcd.com )

Men are from somewhere, and Women are from somewhere else...

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.

If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a hotel towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS

Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

( Courtesy of fun-with-english.co.uk )

Some amusing questions to ponder...

Do witches use spell checkers?

Do penguins have knees?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

Do landowners own a piece of land all the way to the center of the earth?

Do libraries put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?

Do bald people who work in restaurants have to wear hairnets?

Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?

Do French people say, "Pardon my English?" when they swear?

( Courtesy of fun-with-english.co.uk )

Keyboards and how gross they can be...

This is why I never listen to anyone...

( Courtesy of xkcd.com )

Feelin' a little paranoid lately...

If, like me, you've been feeling a little paranoid about the Bush administration's phone-tapping scandal or anything else that they have done that has been the least bit questionable, it might be time to invest in an AFDB. What is an AFDB you ask? An AFDB is an Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie (AFDB). If you would like to know more about this low-cost solution to government spying, please click here to visit the home of the AFDB.

( Legalese: The writer of this blog in no way endorses the use of the AFDB and is therefore not in any way liable for any mind control that you may fall prey to. Actually, this whole post is just a joke. Please don't take me seriously at all. )

Executions and smoking...

What exactly are they going to do with those wires?

( Courtesy of engrish.com )










What does smoked room taste like?

( Courtesy of engrish.com )

Produce and personal lubricants...

Quoted from the alternate text for this comic: "Fun game: find a combination of two items that most freaks out the cashier. Winner: pregnancy test and single coat hanger."

Don't really wanna know what he's thinking about doing with those bananas...

( Courtesy of xkcd.com )

Let's go fly a kite...

Don't just sit there, get out and meet people...

( Courtesy of xkcd.com )

More lost in translation...

See the cord for a real shocker...

(Courtesy of engrish.com)











Yet the all-seeing never find this room...

(Courtesy of engrish.com)

Computer Haikus...

Here are some pretty amusing computer Haikus:

Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?

Server's poor response
not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.

Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.

This site has been moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
have to delete you.

Wind catches lily
scatt'ring petals to the wind.
Segmentation fault.

ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software can't bridge.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

To have no errors
would be life without meaning.
No struggle, no joy.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

No keyboard present.
Hit F1 to continue.
Zen engineering?

Hal, open the file.
Hal, open the damn file, Hal,
open the, please Hal...

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
but we never will.

Having been erased,
the document you're seeking
must now be retyped.

The ten thousand things.
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.

Rather than a beep
or a rude error message,
these words: "File not found."

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared.
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Lost in translation...

These photos are just too easy to laugh at, but really, really funny! These signs come from China and Japan:




"This phone contains bad language, because your partner is feeling bad."

( Courtesy of engrish.com )










They want us to get drunk?!?!?!?

( Courtesy of engrish.com )

Snapple anyone?

Snapple? I don't get it! Oh, wait... I get it now! If you don't look up the periodic table of elements to find out what the symbol for Tin is, and then you might get it.

(Courtesy of xkcd.com)

Watch where you put your hyphens...

Watch out for where you hyphenate your words. You might get the wrong result.

(Courtesy of xkcd.com)

Scary Thoughts

This is cute and very, very clever. Enjoy!

(Courtesy of xkcd.com)

How to troubleshoot any situation...

Use this anytime
you run into a
bad situation...

Majora's Mask Humor

This is just too funny. Hope you like it.

What gender is a computer? Read on to find out...

Sorry to anyone who missed me in the brief 4 day hiatus that I have been on since I last updated...and also sorry that this is an update after 10pm. I'll try to be better about that. Moving on...here's one that should bring about at least a chuckle...

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa." "Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?" Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether ''computer'' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Computer Nerd T-Shirt Slogans

2 + 2 = 5 for Extremely Large values of 2.

<--------The information went data way--------

A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.

Access denied - nah nah na nah nah!

All computers wait at the same speed.

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

Backups? We don' NEED no Steenking backups.

Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay. . .

Best file compression around: "DEL. = 100% COMPRESSION

BREAKFAST.COM Halted. . . Cereal Port Not Responding

BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd Down, 4th Quarter, 5 Yards to Go!

Buy a Pentium 586/200 so you can reboot faster.

C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand In The Corner.

C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN DOS\RUN

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/N)?

Definition of an UPGRADE: Take old bugs out, Put New Ones In.

E Pluribus Modem

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. . .

Ethernet( noun ): Something used to catch the Etherbunny.

Error? Impossible! My Modem is Error Correcting.

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to Continue.

File not found. Should I Fake It? (Y/N)

Hidden DOS secret: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

Mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

Press any key. . . no, No, NO!! Not THAT one!

Press any key to continue or any OTHER key to quit. . .

RAM disk is not an installation procedure.

SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . .

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. . .

The name is baud. . ., James Baud.

Ultimate office automation: Networked Coffee.

Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"

Who's General Failure & why is he reading My Disk?

Windows: Just another pane in the glass.

---

But the best quote of all time is from 1981 when Bill Gates said:

"640K ought to be enough for anyone."